Also on notice, our inability to find something better to do with our time

We are very easily annoyed. This is illustrated by today's list. Enjoy.

On Notice Pt. Deux

1. The c chord.
Adding to our list of hobbies that will not benefit our life in any fiscal way, we have decided to learn the guitar. Awesome for awkward pauses at parties, terrible for the fingertips of our left hands. Although we make a terrifying duo that may one day take over the world Simon-and-Garfunkel style, there is one obstacle stopping us. This is a nemesis that we fear more than the potential existence of god: this is the c chord. Those of you with any musical talent (or those sad folk who only know how to play Brown-Eyed Girl, which is a much more staggering number than you'd guess) know our plight. And our anger.

2. Inter-party bickering
Don't get us wrong, we love arguing. If you've met us, even for the briefest second, you fully comprehend this. However, enough is enough, folks. We're looking at you, Clinton and Edwards. Yes, you have very shiny teeth that are blindingly white. This will not distract us from the fact that you are tearing into each other like coyotes on a deer carcass. You get to decide who's the deer.

3. The intelligence level of Jeopardy
When you started out, early in the 1960s, even you called yourself obscure. Did you run out of elitist material or is the entire television-watching population slowly making you dumb down your answers? Sadly, that may not be a rhetorical question. Did your eight-day champion really think that MASH was a book? And is West Virginia really the southernmost city in the U.S.? Sometimes I just want to beat people with an encyclopedia. Run, Alex Trebek, before you find yourself explaining that Billie Holiday was a woman.

4. Rudy Giuliani
Don't think we forgot that you have already graced our list. We remember. We're still angry. So we're still writing. I recently had the benefit of seeing your ad, "ready." At first, I was appalled. Then, I became enraged. However, I understand that the emotion you were going for was fear. Sorry, Giuliani. Not only do I constantly want to spell your name Giuliana and have you make me pasta, but I fear that ad less than I fear garter snakes. Good job scaring our nation into a vote! Might your large and overbearingly forceful ad have something to do with the fact that people giggle when you say lisp? Trust me, R.G., this is not the end of the list (or the lisp) for you.

5. Record high paychecks for Minnesota lawmakers.
Please. Don't worry about the thousands of college students struggling to pay tuition and, eventually, become you. No, trust me, we understand that you need that third car. I'd like a Jag, too. And yes, the football game isn't any good on that thirty-two inch screen. So go ahead. Give yourself that pay raise. While you're at it, go ahead and spread tuberculosis. It'll be like survival of the fittest; only those with health care will make it through. And those are the only voters you really care about it anyways. Good thinking. Good sportmanship. Good electoral process, America!

6. Remnants of sexism.
Yes, man at the bookstore, I am wearing a shorter than usual skirt. I am also vacuuming. This does not mean that eventually I will be wearing nothing and vacuuming your house. Although I appreciate your mental process (aka the fact that you are still conscious), I will never be in your kitchen, especially not without shoes and bearing child. Hillary Clinton has better things to do than iron your shirts. And to you, landlord, I do not appreciate the fact that you like Asians because they are "polite and submissive." Those words will be burned in my mind for years to come, hopefully when I'm making more money than you and living in sin with my liberal, feminist boyfriend. And yes, dear leprechaun landlord, I am a feminist because the world is not equal for the sexes. When you have your pleasure-making area sawed off with a sharp rock, I'd love to know your thoughts. Also, it's not okay to make movies about vaginas with teeth. Do I really need to further explain myself on that point?

Now that you are sufficiently freaked out about sex, we shall leave you. Please note that we now have links (in and around) and that Jacob Klocksien is a petulant child.


In Witness whereof We have hereunto subscribed our Names,

Tasha and Emily